The Road Traveled First
by Blade of Justice
Summary: As time marches on, Chisaki comes to the realization that her relationship with her friends may be irreparable now that she's so much older than they are. Luckily for her, Tsumugu is there to help her see the truth of the matter.


Despite the five year difference in their ages, their very _lives_, that had been thrust upon them, Chisaki still felt like she and her three childhood friends would always be able to share everything with each other. Always. Now that their web of feelings had been untangled and sorted out and they were moving forward with their lives, happier than ever, surely nothing could stand in their way like that ever again. Certainly not something as little as a few years!

As it turned out, even though Chisaki and the rest of her seaborne friends all would forever cherish each other and act like they always had most of the time, there were some things that would now forever separate them, Chisaki was beginning to realize.

Time being the primary thing, of course.

For the first few months, it had never bothered Chisaki very much. It was only little things that caused that stirring feeling in her chest, that dissonant longing, the contradicting awkwardness. She wanted to be able to relate, she wanted to be part of that group, but at the same time, what adult wanted to be a teenager again? She was more than happy it was over! Whoever had said those years were the best times of your life had been crazy, and this was always evident when Chisaki compared her life to her friends' lives. While they had to obey curfews and rules, while they were bound by a life of school and homework, she felt like the very world itself was at her fingertips in ways she had never understood were even possible at that age.

Manaka didn't even think about things like that yet. No, what she was most fascinated with, and perhaps even envied, was that Chisaki was done with puberty and had blossomed into a beautiful woman while Manaka still had years of it to put up with. Manaka seemed to love that she had her older friend to look to, to ask for advice, to rely on when things got strange, and to know that, with just a glance, that everything would work out... even that one pimple that wasn't going away.

It wasn't much different than their normal interactions. Really, it wasn't. Chisaki had always been rather motherly to Manaka after all, and Chisaki doubted... no, she _knew_ Manaka meant nothing by it, but to her, it felt like it was forming a wall between them. While Manaka was coming to her with all of these sorts of things, the things she, as a young woman, was going through were things that Manaka wouldn't be able to deal with. She had enough to think about, after all!

It still made Chisaki think, though... Before, she and Manaka had always talked about things like that together. They had taken their bodies' changes in _together_, helped each other through them, and when it wasn't a girls-only sort of thing, Hikari and Kaname had even been along for the ride as well on occasion. They had grown up together, after all. Some boundaries didn't exist when you grow up with someone.

But then Chisaki had gone and grown up for five more years while they slept in the sea, and with every day she aged that they didn't, the boundaries surrounding her got higher and higher.

Now that they were all together again, just as she had wanted so desperately for so long, rather than things to return to normal and how they used to be, it was becoming more and more apparent all the things that were not. All the little things were becoming bigger and bigger to Chisaki.

On a whim, Chisaki had chosen to walk along with her three childhood friends to their first day of high school. Certainly, their conversation made her feel out of the loop about certain parts of their lives, but that was to be expected on some level, wasn't it? She had still thought it would be just like old times, and indeed, she had definitely been overcome with nostalgia on that walk.

Except it was not nostalgia of the times spent with them walking to school, as she expected. It was not nostalgia of her first day on the surface, as her friends were feeling.

No, it was of her own high school life.

A life she had lived without them.

There was a favorite teacher looking the same as ever, there was the stump where she and Tsumugu had often sat around to eat and do homework, there was the bench where some important event or another had happened, there was the window that Chisaki had gazed out of towards the sea every day, and so on and so forth. So much was the same, so much was different... Yet it evoked a sense of familiarity from her right this moment that it would take years for her friends to have.

As she waved goodbye to her friends, who were all dashing off to make the entrance ceremony on time, it struck her that she had had a whole school life's worth of experiences that they would never share — and now they were embarking on a journey of experiences of their own without her.

Certainly, the path they were on was a path she had already walked upon, a path she could relate to and talk to them about whenever they wanted, but it was a path they were walking on without her all the same.

And the path she was on now was a path that was five years ahead of theirs.

She held in the tears she didn't even know were on the way long enough to make it to the city, to Tsumugu, but as soon as he opened his door, she burst into sobs.

Never the clearest girl with her feelings, it had been hard for Tsumugu to wrangle what was upsetting his girlfriend out of her. On the bright side, explaining gave her a distraction from the issue at hand. On the other hand, hashing it out made her feel even more isolated from her friends as she continued to vocalize her feelings.

Always patient and always willing to listen to her, he gave her the ear she needed, finally giving her an outlet for the concerns she had been having these past few months, months that she realized now had started turning into years. She talked about how she had felt at the high school, she spoke about how strange it was watching Manaka and Sayu look at Hikari and Kaname when they thought the boys weren't looking and vice versa. Shy short of looks that was so common at that age, a phase she and Tsumugu had moved past when she had still been telling herself she loved Hikari years ago. She went on explain about how it was hard for her to talk to Manaka about growing up, about how she simply couldn't talk to Manaka about her own life sometimes, how she didn't know what to say or do sometimes when it came to things the now younger girl was experiencing, and how she felt like their relationship had become one sided in that she herself had no one to talk to about the things she was experiencing. She even revealed how she wanted to talk to Manaka or do things for Manaka that couldn't possibly be appropriate for their friendship anymore, and how that continued to silently push them further apart.

Yet that one thing, that odd revelation, was something Tsumugu seemed to take issue with, in his own silent way. It was like he couldn't relate, even though he should! At least... At least on some level he should have...! He was friends with Hikari and Kaname, wasn't he?

And yet... no. His noises of agreement became less frequent and he started to look more thoughtful, more serious. As Chisaki calmed herself through her crying, as she began to regain her composure now that she had finally let this out, she tried to use an example that might make sense to the young man. Certainly, he should be able to relate if she said this...!

"I-It's not like you'd give Hikari or Kaname dirty magazines, right...?!"

To her utter shock, rather than agree with her, rather than get that cute, almost never seen look of surprise that Chisaki thought was so delightful on him, Tsumugu glanced away from her, a strange expression crossing his features.

That brief movement did it all. Her own worries tossed away, let a fish back into the sea, Chisaki was now feeling something somewhere between indignation and mortification.

"Tsumugu, they're just starting high school! You _didn't_...!"

The quiet man didn't respond one way or the other with his words, but Chisaki had known him long enough now that his actions could be more than enough when it came time to read him.

Rather than berate him, however, she chose to be silent herself, giving him a particularly solemn, dangerous look. It was a look she had picked up from watching Tsumugu's grandfather, a look that somehow seemed to _always_ work on him. Chisaki hadn't known when she had picked it up, she hadn't even known she _had_, but during their last year of high school, Tsumugu had finally pointed out (much to her embarrassment, if not also an odd sense of pride) she was starting to look like his grandfather on occasion.

While silence was something that was expected when it came to Tsumugu, with Chisaki... Well, Tsumugu could only sigh, apologizing inwardly to his two younger friends.

At least they hadn't told him not to tell anyone.

"Would you rather they get it from somewhere else?"

It was a simple question, but with it came implications and thoughts Chisaki hadn't been prepared for.

She had noticed the boys (she was even calling them boys, she realized) had been growing more, even if she was no longer in a place to appreciate it the way Manaka and Sayu clearly were. She had noticed their bodies growing, their voices cracking; as their friend, she had noticed all sorts of things in fact, but...

With Tsumugu's question, she found her cheeks starting to burn.

He wasn't saying it like he had given them something special. She had heard about fathers giving sons things like that as a present when they turned a certain age.

He was saying it like one way or another, they would have gotten it regardless of his help. In his helping them, at least he was preventing them from something potentially embarrassing, because...

In other words...

"I... They..."

_Hikari and Kaname wanted it._

Chisaki felt dizzy all of a sudden. More than that, she felt terribly hot — which was natural considering how red her face had become in such a short time. Sinking to her knees, the young woman found herself conflicted. She didn't even notice Tsumugu settling down next to her to drop a hand on her flushing head, though she did vaguely recognize the comforting ruffle of her hair.

Hikari and Kaname were growing up. They were becoming young men themselves.

Certainly, she had understood that they were getting older, but she realized she was only looking at it from the perspective that there was a distance between them. She had forgotten, being done with that part of her life, just what kind of things happened during that period.

Then it occurred to her.

Even Manaka... Surely, Manaka too...

Chisaki's chest suddenly felt heavy.

She hadn't been the only one keeping things about her life quiet between the two of them. It might have been for different reasons, as Manaka's confused, flustered thoughts were likely directed towards Hikari, meaning she might — no, she most certainly must have more been trying to spare Chisaki's feelings than put something between them, and yet...

"You're wrong."

Chisaki blinked. She hadn't said anything. Blinking once more, she noted that though tears had started form again, she hadn't even started crying again yet.

"W-What are you saying? I didn't even..."

Tsumugu lowered his hand from her head, bringing it to rest on her shoulder. He gently pulled her closer, forcing her to flush for an entirely different reason now.

"You think there's an inescapable gap between you four now, right? That's what you've been saying after all. I'm saying you're wrong."

Chisaki frowned. Of course she wasn't wrong. It was an undeniable fact that she was five years older than they were, and with those five years came a world of experiences that they were only just now starting to touch on themselves.

"O-Oh? You always sound so sure of yourself... Okay. Okay, Tsumugu. Then tell me how I'm wrong."

Tsumugu looked at her, watched her as she spoke under her breath before finally asking him — more like ordering him — to tell her what was wrong about her analysis. To some, his expression might have appeared stoic, uncaring even, but to Chisaki, it was much more than that. She understood that he wasn't mocking her, not that he usually ever would, but that there was something important he was in the process of conveying to her. She understood that he wasn't the most expressive person in the world, but his feelings were as pure as the ocean he adored so much — the ocean that she had come from.

"They're just catching up to where you are now."

And in that moment, as Tsumugu spoke with a voice full of confidence, Chisaki understood a lot of things.

Now that she had gotten the hard parts of growing up out of the way, she wasn't going to be going all too fast on the path she was on. Older now, she would let her boat slow down to take it easy and enjoy the sights. Now that her body wasn't rushing along and growing up, she was sitting down, she was going to enjoy the _real_ best years of her life.

But Hikari, Kaname, and Manaka?

Every day something changed about them. Every day, they took huge strides on their journey while she only took comfortable steps.

Maybe right now they were in an awkward period of life, but didn't Chisaki know from experience just how awkward it could be? They would be through it soon enough, and she would be there every step of the way, waiting for them to catch up to her. She would keep moving forward in her life, of course, but there would absolutely be a point where those five years would truly mean as little to them as Chisaki wanted them to.

Because the thing was, even though she may have gotten something of a head start on the three of them when it came to this path, there was something she hadn't really thought about.

They were still walking along the same path, because that path was simply life itself.

Her expression softening as she found comfort in this simple conclusion, Chisaki laughed weakly as she let tense body loosen up and fall into Tsumugu's chest. As if on cue, his hand was on her back, keeping her held in place. In such few words, Tsumugu had managed to solve everything. He was something special like that, though she wouldn't dare say that to his face. It would be so embarrassing!

She was more than happy to enjoy this for as long as he was willing to let her stay, though.

And yet... As he held her, as calm as she found herself in his embrace, she couldn't help but purse her lips. Curiosity was getting the better of her, and before she knew it, she had said something ridiculous.

"So... When you were that age... You... You had magazines too?"

Chisaki found her cheeks burning again. _What_ was she saying? She had burst into his apartment with absolutely no warning, proceeded to burst into not a moment later, and now she was asking him about something so personal...? So _private_...!?

"No."

Her mind screeching to a halt, Chisaki pulled away, clearly looking alarmed. After the earlier conversation — and more importantly, the unsaid conversation within it — it had basically been implied all boys at that age had things like that in some form. Why would he be giving them magazines if he didn't know from experience? If he hadn't had it himself, why on earth...?!

So... What was he saying?

"How could I look at any other girl when you were always there?"

Deep down, Chisaki knew Tsumugu had been trying to be sweet. He had undoubtedly been trying to imply she was prettier than any girl in a magazine would be as far as he was concerned. And she could clearly see that he was trying to use a compliment in order to change the subject, one she shouldn't have continued to bring up in the first place!

... _However_...

Given what young men typically _did_ with those magazines — what _any_ man was meant to do with those magazines... Well, Chisaki did the only thing she could think to do after her boyfriend had accidentally implied to her that she had more or less been used as his replacement for them.

_SLAP!_

As Chisaki stormed out of his apartment, all sorts of things spilling out of her mouth — she was apologizing one moment and then making accusations she then apologized for again the next — Tsumugu found himself laughing, for one thing had become abundantly clear to him.

Chisaki wouldn't need to worry about her friends catching up to her for very long at all.

And though they fell asleep in different beds, at different times, in different towns, they both knew one thing for sure that evening.

No matter how long it took Hikari, Kaname, and Manaka to catch up with her, Tsumugu would keep walking alongside Chisaki on her path at whatever pace she wanted.


End file.
